Do you have a part of your body that messes with your confidence? I have had stretch marks for a long time. I remember, when I was younger, one of my cousins asked me if I took a marker and drew lines on my back. I was like "uh no. They are stretch marks." I had to be like 7 or something. Stretch marks have been a part of me for a long time. For much of my life, I have been on a journey embracing that part of my body. I am now 39 years old. Finally, I am in a place where I am learning to love all parts of myself and embrace the story my stretch marks tell.
Growing up, most people said I was shy. Quiet. That's true in general. I'm an introvert. I enjoy observing. Taking in. Reflection. However, I think because of my weight, I hid. When I lost weight in high school, that's when I "came out of my shell." I became more social. The confidence in myself grew. That was just the beginning. As I got older, I was challenged with my confidence in other areas. Such as confidence in my own expertise, writing, sharing ideas, and opinions, and in my abilities.
Confidence is, a feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust. It's a state of feeling certain about the truth of something. It's a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.
Confidence is learning to trust who you are, accept who you are, and standing on your own truths. Confidence takes lots of practice and intention to build. And, I think, a part of the journey is getting quiet enough to sit with yourself to check in to make sure you are following your path.
So, how do you build confidence? Well, I don't have any scientific strategies, but here are a few that have helped me become more confident over time.
Affirmations are phrases or mantras you recite over and over and over until it becomes etched in your brain. Affirmations help you change the way your brain is wired so that you think differently about yourself. Such as "I am the bomb.com," or "I am the shiznit," or "I am a beast mom." Find affirmations that work for you and highlight how you visualize yourself to be.
Visualization is one of my favorite practices. I'm a visual learner. When I was starting to lose weight in high school, I visualized how I stood, and how I projected myself. Every single decision I made was intended to get me closer to that vision. If you have a hard time with visualization, something else I like to do is print images off of the internet of women I aspire to be, such as Beyonce, Oprah, Michelle, my mom. Each of these women has a characteristic or quality I also have within myself that I want to strengthen.
Practice being confident. I do subscribe to the mindset "fake it till you make it." That's practice, right? Practice being confident. When I was on the drill team, many times we just had to stand at attention and practice that position for minutes! The purpose of this activity was to practice presence. Chest out. Chin up. Big ole' smile! Eventually, confident will become who you are.
Putting yourself out there is the best way to build confidence. When starting a new job, I was often thrown "into the frying pan." The best way to learn is by just getting out there. The more you get out there and do what makes you uncomfortable, the easier it becomes, and the more confident you become.
This year, in 2020, I was tired of hiding my back and shoulders all the time. I put so much intention and focus on finding clothes that covered my arms and shoulders. It limited what I wore. So, I just decided to push myself to wear more sleeveless shirts and dresses. If I am asked about my stretch marks, or if someone says, "you're lifting too much weight," (*insert eye roll), I will kindly share my weight loss journey. It's amazing how a small decision to wear tank tops fearlessly, opens you up to do other scary, confidence-building things! Like prep for a fitness figure competition! Yeap, I decided I am all in! August 2021 baby! These stretch marks have been with me for a long time. They come with a pretty cool story. I'd love to share it with you!
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